The Case of the Great CD Cover Mystery

Characters: Detective Toilet Clark, Lead Singer Debutante Turbulent,
Bassist Chris Jones, Guitarist Jeff Zane, Keyboardist John Jay Davis, Drummer Bill Webb

It was a sunny but cool Monday morning, about 10:30 a.m. I
had made it in late because, well, that isn't your business. Anyway, I listened to Sherry, my receptionist, shred me about
being late after telling me that I had a couple of phone calls from a
doll that seemed quite disquieted that I was not here yet. After
this weekend, a doll was the last thing I needed to hear
from. But again, that isn't your matter either, is it?

Anyway, I had my feet propped up on the corner of my desk,
catching the athletics tons from The Daily Crunch in one manus
while alternating my other manus between a coffin nail and a
nice cup of Java that Sherry had poured me.

A couple of proceedings later, I suddenly realized that this Monday
was not going to be like any other, because she walked in. But, then again, so did they...immediately behind her.

She was one Hell of a knockout...about five feet, eight ins
tall, with a page-boy haircut, a perfect height-to-weight
proportion, and a beauty skin color that made me desire to
bask in island sun while sipping on coconut meat juice.

Deb Turbulent: Detective Clark, if you acquire in this late every
day, your weekly paycheck can't be all that great.

Detective Clark: And, who states I acquire a weekly paycheck, Ms...

Deb: I'm Debutante Turbulent, but don't allow the last name sap ya... you'll happen I'm really a kitty at heart.

Clark: Yeah, I'll bet. And, who are these mulct looking noble gentlemen with you?

Deb: These fellas are the members of my band. State Hi, boys...

Half of them nodded while the other one-half grunted, although I
couldn't state which one-half did which. Iodine took this minute of brevity to take my feet from my desk and sit down up consecutive so that I could look like a Donald Trump employee as best I could. I also had the distinct desire to check up on my Beretta .380 to make certain it was loaded with Ag bullets, as these cats looked like all they needed was a full moon to start a deathly party.

Clark: So, Ms. Turbulent...fellas, experience free to have got a seat...just don't take it with you when you leave, please.

Chris Jones: Why, you believe we thieves?

Jeff Zane: Yeah, you believe we'd be in this shit if we thieves?

Clark: Fellas, I didn't intend to connote that...

Bill Webb: Yeah, yeah, yeah...let's acquire outa here, Deb.

Clark: Hey, hang on...let's start over, will ya?

I hadn't paid the auto payment yet, and the electrical measure was
also closing in fast. I couldn't really afford to lose these cats if they turned out to be feasible paying clients. They calmed down a bit.

Clark: Okay, now what can I assist you with?

Deb: Well, we're like, one of the hottest sets in town, but we
can't look to sell many CDs anywhere.

Clark: Where have got you been trying to sell them?

Jay Davis: Only about a million places.

Clark: Well, for now, just give me a few on your monolithic list.

Deb: On our website and at gigs, mainly. Oh, and we also have got
a few transcripts in a couple of supplies around town, but that agency
nil either.

Hmm...I pondered the state of affairs for a moment...hot girl, and from the attitudes, probably a kick-ass set too. Hmm...why wasn't the music selling?

Clark: Got a transcript of your cadmium with you?

Jay: Sure...we never go forth place without it.

Clark: I believe that saying is trademarked already by
American Express?

Chris: So? We'll take it anyway!

I allow that slide, with no response, as he did look to be a 'take all' sort of guy, if you cognize what I mean. John Jay got up and walked over to my desk while reaching in his pocket to retreat a transcript of their CD. Well, Iodine was seriously hoping that it was a CD.

And then, there it was...

I couldn't be for absolutely sure, because I hadn't, yet, heard
the music, but if the music was anything remotely like the cadmium
cover, these cats were in a batch of trouble. There they were... with a hot cadmium titled, "Shock Syndrome," but they were just
sitting on a sofa altogether, looking like they were watching
a repetition of Teddy Boy Koppel on Nightline. No emotion...not even an
effort to play on what was, obviously, a great cadmium statute title just
begging to be acted out visually. Obvious to everyone...except
them.

Clark: Well now, ahem, state you what-

Jay: Hey! Can you assist us, man, or not?

Clark: I'll certainly give it my best shot.

Chris: Ah, this is a loading of crap...he don't cognize nothin' 'bout
nothin'! Why we wastin' our time here?

He stood up and headed toward the door.

Deb: Obviously, you don't cognize Detective Clark's reputation,
Chris.

She got up, moved toward my desk, perched one-half a gluteus muscle
upper limits on its corner, then gave me a 45-degree stare that
would have got Genus Dracula checking his pulse.

Deb: Detective William William William Clark is known for his great...results...aren't
you Detective Clark?

The words oozed from her pouty redness lips with such as sultriness, I
almost didn't hear the draft in my throat. But, they did, and
laughed. Debutante pulled $500 from her side pocket so quickly, it
would have got made Batman jealous.

Deb: Here ya go, Detective...that ought to hold you for a
couple of days, won't it?

Clark: Sure, but how make I acquire in touching with you?

She was already heading toward the door, but paused to give
me a wry smile.

Deb: Don't worry...we'll be in touching with you. Let's go, boys.

Although I already felt I knew the ground for the CD's failure, to gain the gracious vaulting horses she had so easily bestowed upon me,
over the adjacent couple of days, I contacted respective music locals to acquire their professional opinions.

I started with Bernie, proprietor of The Golden Eagle, which was
the current hottest unrecorded music topographic point in town. Next, I tarried on down the manner to Music Keys, the biggest music retail merchant in our area. And, just for good measure, I threw in a visit to KTUF, the hottest country radiocommunication station and the prima music and humanistic discipline paper, The Entertainment Times.

Bernie said that, although Debutante was the hottest thing since
Watermelon Kool-Aid, the remainder of the cats didn't quite do so
well in the expressions department, particularly, sitting on that dull grey sofa on the cadmium cover.

Ted, proprietor of Music Keys, said pretty much the same, adding
that some clients couldn't state if they were trying to look
Gothic, or just apparent trying to appear.

Cindy, Music Director for KTUF, and who I thought mightiness be a
shade spot covetous of Debutante said that, although her hearers couldn't see the CD, and the single was doing fairly well on her station, she thought that Debutante might be throwing off the ocular vibe. I never did acquire that one.

Finally, April, Music Editor with Entertainment Times, said pretty much what I had felt at the beginning...that the gross sales were probably owed to a at odds statute title and image. She added that, with a statute title such as as "Shock Syndrome," there should have got been an obvious display of lightening or electricity all around the group, or lightening or electricity appearing to hit the set members as they stood in an unfastened field on a dark night. I told April that I, personally, thought that an appearance, whereby, their hair stood on ends was a good idea, but April waved that off as old-time. Oh, well...you can't win 'em all.

So, here I sit, a couple of years later, after just having spoken with Deb, who is on her manner in to acquire the finding of fact on the cadmium cover. Hopefully, she won't take the intelligence as grim, because
the screen is fixable (I think). Oh, I also graciously asked her to leave of absence the male children at place in the involvement of our creating a
serious program of execution. :-)

Detective Toilet Clark, At Your Service, Anytime...